


"where soul meets body"

by fannishliss



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, meathooks! Sammy saves Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-07
Updated: 2013-10-07
Packaged: 2017-12-28 18:28:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/995110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fannishliss/pseuds/fannishliss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam finds it’s not exactly like flipping a switch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"where soul meets body"

No pairing, Post season 3.  


_**: where soul meets body :** _  


  
There’s a lot to get through and Sam hasn’t got the time to wallow in it.

Point B, Dean is dead and presumably being tortured in Hell.   Need to get on that right the hell now.

Point A, Lilith’s blast had blown right by without leaving a mark on Sam.  This is something new, something he can work with.  Need to get on that, like, yesterday.

So Sam clamps down hard on his initial feelings of shock, grief, rage, denial, with no time for the five stages or whatever. 

Take Point A and use that sharp little point to pry up some corner of hell and demolish point B.  Like, now.

***  
Bobby’s got Sam holed up someplace, one of their usual eye-popping hotel rooms. 

Bobby’s got Dean’s body, clean and kept cold.

Bobby’s got his own room and Sam’s by himself. 

Bobby didn’t like it.  But Sam told him no. 

Sam needed room, and quiet, to clear this shit up.

***  
Shock can lead to panic, and this is no time for panic.  Yet again, this is no time for denial.  Sam needs clarity and focus.  Sam needs to save his brother and maybe he has a lead now, a path through the chaos.

***  
There’s a place right there in the back of his mind that’s been swept clear. He guesses Lilith’s attack and his instinctive defense did the sweeping.

There’s quite a bit of rage, though, still, even with all the extra-hard clamping down Sam’s trying to do.  The rage is deep and it’s kind of, well, raging.

The open place in his mind is like a flat place in the desert, the sun beating down, merciless and clean.  The place is so open, but Sam pictures the lions of his rage prowling there, like the lions of the Namib, brawny, relentless and ravenous.  He wants to open his mind and go into that clean, merciless brilliance – but with those lions lurking, he knows it’s a bad idea. 

Sam knows what happens if he goes with the rage.  He saw Ava go there.  He can’t go there like that.   Yet he’s gotta get there somehow.  Just not through the rage, the fear, the loss.  He has to get there clean.

***  
The sunlight in that place is just so beautiful.  So pure.  Unforgiving, but eternal. Sam needs to wash himself clean somehow, to evade the lions of rage and the salamanders of grief. 

Lurking just under the rocks in that desert, the salamanders weep their endless tears and exude despair, but the moisture is clarified as it seeps through the sand. It gathers into a pool.  Sam feels his grief with no denial, just lets it wash through him.  The pool deepens.  The lions have retreated to the horizon, big as mountains.  The pool is deep enough now for Sam to slip in.  He slips in.

***

As Sam floats there in the pool of his own grief, he finds it distilled and free of guilt, free of fear or loss.  Free of all that poisoned it, his grief is much like love.   It wells up, bottomless. Palm trees spring up around the pool, sturdy and tall, cooling the water with a comforting shade.  Sam feels the dappled light on his skin; the merciless sunlight, the nurturing shade. He feels clean now, strong and new.  He’s ready to step out into the desert.

***

Sam sets foot on the dryest sand in the universe.   The sand is white and fine and  sparkles with the brilliance of diamonds. Sam turns his face to the sun, closes his eyes, and soaks it in.  And just like that, Sam is the sun.

All that power is streaming out of him.  Anything he wants, he can take.

Sam is aware of the lions of his rage, the salamanders of grief, the skittering rodents of shock and indecision.  His awareness puts these beasts in their places. All that’s left is the sunlight, the lapping of the pool, and Sam reaches out for his brother.

***

Nothing else matters.  Nothing can sever the cord Sam finds and follows.  It flows like a trail of gold, straight down to Dean ---

_Dean_ \---

Hanging in a desolate, crackling web of evil, hooked through the shoulder and the side, in so much pain, so full of fear, yet refusing to give in --- 

Dean was born to resist this and Sam is why.

Sam shines like gold into this place of putrid darkness.  Dean drinks in the light and sighs, _sammy_ , a sigh of pure trust. The hell is gone and Dean is released.

Sam washes Dean in the shadowed pool.  Dean is naked and unashamed. Together, they clean the filth from Dean.  Dean falls asleep in the shadow of the palms and lions come to guard him with their golden eyes. 

***

Dean stretches, yawns, and opens his eyes.

Sam is there, smiling, and Bobby is flat out bawling.

)*(

 

 

credits:  
Learn more about the lions of the Namib: http://www.desertlion.info/ title from the song by Death Cab for Cutie  
other songs on this playlist include:   
“Nothing Else Matters,” by Metallica  
“The Best of You,” by Foo Fighters  
and “Change the World,” by Eric Clapton.

Disclaimer: _Supernatural_ is owned by Kripke and the CW and not by me. Thanks to the makers of the music mentioned below for all their inspiration.

Emo!Sammy loves Death Cab.  Other songs are more Dean!approved.


End file.
